Nathan N*ze and John H*nry have discovered an error in Molly McGrath's official Miss America bio. Miss Wisconsin is claiming that she was the valedictorian of Lincoln High School's graduating class of 2000. There are several problems with this claim:

1. As we all recall, LHS doesn't bestow the "valedictorian" title upon anyone. Yes, anyone with a 4.0 GPA (or higher) gets to deliver a line or two of the commencement speech, but being invited to speak does not make one a valedictorian.

2. John and Nathan graduated with the number one and two ranks in the LHS class of 2000, respectively, meaning that even if LHS did name a valedictorian, it would not have been Molly; it would have been John H*nry, with Nathan as salutatorian and Molly with no title whatsoever.

Therefore, Nathan and John have taken it upon themselves - as they should - to correct the error. They wrote a lovely and informative letter, which was faxed to the Miss America headquarters and Madison's local newspapers this morning. I've been told that the boys are currently debating whether or not to send it to the Daily Tribune as well, as Molly is representing the Madison area and not the Wisconsin Rapids area. (Wasn't she Miss Wisconsin Rapids once, though? Or am I on smack?)

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I've always wondered why all of the Miss America girls look so plastic. I wondered if they'd always looked that way, or it was something that just happened to them. I think this has taken away the mystery. I wouldn't have recognized that person as someone I went to high school with. (Jillian's reaction to the photo was, "That's not Molly! That's a 40 year old weather lady! Send it to Andy!!!")

So...here's my burning, Miss-America-related question: Why didn't big hair ever go out of style on the pageant circuit? And this is Nathan's question: What is the name of the song they sing for the winner? Any assistance that any of you could provide in these matter would be greatly appreciated.